Worry of the Day: Oh F*#%, I Just Ate ...

There's no way our mothers went through this, right?

Back in the 80s, women weren't worried about a long list of foods that they were banned from eating for 40 weeks. They just cut back on their booze and their smokes, and look how well we all turned out, right?

Of course, this means nothing when I'm faced with the panic of, "I just ate ____!"

Here's a small sampling of the foods to avoid that I've eaten while pregnant ... and then freaked out about.

-Roast beef
-Smoked salmon
-A box of popsicles while sick (not an actual no-go, but my nutritionist says to avoid food dyes, pregnant or not)
-A bag of Luden's while sick (see above)
-Bacon (I don't know, something about nitrates?)
-Coke (only thing that helps my heartburn)
-A teeny, tiny, practically microscopic sip of an alcoholic beverage at 7 weeks (we weren't telling people yet and a relative asked me to taste a cocktail she'd made ... I faked it as best I could)
-Mexican-style cheese that fall into the bad category
-Cookie dough (how do you take this away from a pregnant woman?)
-Chicken salad made in a store (the only protein-rich sandwich filling that appeals to me)

Reality check: I'm sure it would be very, very bad to get listeria, E Coli, Salmonella or some sort of awful mercury poisoning while pregnant. Or EVER. But the best we can do is just to be careful and follow the guidelines that your doctor provides. And by doctor, I mean your OB, NOT Dr. Google. Because that bitch tells me I can't get my nails done, wear perfume, have any fun, or look nice.

I'm pretty sure you could search your way to a reason not to do/eat/drink absolutely anything while pregnant. So K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid), trust your OB, and be as careful as you can. And eat a cookie. You're pregnant, stupid, you deserve it. And I can't find anything wrong with those.