Boy, this worry is a doozy, isn't it? Personally, this fear has plagued me since the very beginning of my pregnancy. And despite some telltale signs that my little one is, in fact, still inside me, I have yet to stop fretting. More on that ridiculousness later.
**Quick disclaimer: I am well aware that all too many women experience an actual loss of pregnancy and I don't want to offend anyone with the tone of this post. I truly feel for anyone who's been through that. My intent here is to provide some relatable feelings (and maybe even some laughs) about this common pregnancy worry, even for those of us who have been lucky enough to have complication-free pregnancies.
Before getting pregnant, we've all had those dreams about peeing on a stick and coming up with two beautiful, hopeful pink lines. I had that dream more than once before actually getting to see those two lines outside of my subconscious.
So it's only natural that we can start to doubt ourselves about actually being pregnant in the first place. This went on for several weeks for me, but the perplexing thing became how much I continued to worry about it later on.
I was able to get early visual confirmation of my little bean via ultrasound at 7 weeks, then again at 8 weeks (due to a minor spotting scare ... that's a whole 'nother post) and yet again at 12 weeks. But I always had that niggling doubt that he or she wasn't really there any more.
It's the most bizarre thing, isn't it, to see your little one on the screen in the doctor's/radiologist's office but not be able to feel a darn thing? I just went to my 20-week anatomy scan and I swear, I held my breath as they squeezed the gel on my belly and only relaxed once I saw our babe onscreen.
Before you start feeling your baby move, there's a total disconnect about what's going inside of you. I mean, how could there possibly be a lime/plum/orange/(insert your baby's fruit comparison here) inside of you and you have little to no confirmation of its existence? My husband finds this worry particularly funny, but to me, it's actually got some legs.
Remember how I described your uterus as being a previously unoccupied vessel for the past 20-30-some years? Well, now it's got a little person LIVING INSIDE IT. And other than nausea, tiredness and a bloodhound-like sense of smell, you've got no actual proof that it's really there.
See? Pretty logical that we worry about this after all.
Reality check: All I've got for you on this one is that you're not crazy. Some days you feel pregnant, some you don't, so you will likely worry about this. And for those who haven't had all the early ultrasounds that I have, more power to you. I think I'd be condemned to the funny farm by now if it weren't for those reassuring scans. So if you're early in your pregnancy, just do your best to relax. Whatever will be, will be, and your worrying about it won't change the outcome. And despite the scary percentages about the m-word, the odds really are in your favor. So get some ice cream, have your significant other rub your feet, or indulge in a guilty pleasure TV marathon. Just don't let Dr. Google drive you crazy.
And if it helps, there's this. I was in the car today, worrying for the umpteenth time whether it's normal that I don't feel much movement yet, when I yawned (out of sheer exhaustion from all the worry, I'm sure). Then it happened. For the very first time, I felt two little taps on the lower right side of my belly. And those sweet little kicks have kept me smiling -- and temporarily NOT worrying -- all day.
I too had those worries. Right before the confirmation test at the OB's, I took yet another test (6 total) just to make sure. I didn't want to get to the OB's office and something have come up wrong or something could have happened. A HUGE sigh of relief at my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, but in between that time and my 12 week appointment to hear the heartbeat, I still worried! I have 3 more weeks until my next appointment and it has started up again. I am 14 weeks 2 days and so ready to feel baby move and see more of a baby bump. Thank goodness for the nausea, killer smell (which is both a good thing and bad thing), and tiredness that makes me know baby is growing and doing well.
ReplyDeleteI think I took 5 or 6 tests, too. Time in between appointments is so tough ... I read somewhere that the first two weeks after a good appointment make you feel calm, then the next two weeks leading up to the next appointment bring nothing but anxiety. I go for my monthly OB appointment tomorrow, at 21 weeks, and I'm still crossing my fingers that she finds that HB right away!
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